Desperate Digging
by gamershojo
Summary: A ChrisXJill songfic, pre-RE5 to post RE5. Chris never gave up in his search for the woman he loved.


**Author's Note: This songfic takes place pre-RE5 to post RE5. I did change some things up slightly, but not too much. Chris and Jill's relationship has always been one of my favorites, and I'll definitely write more of it in the future. I thought this would be harder for me to write, but it just came pouring out. Hopefully you enjoy it. Review?**

**On a side note, I do not own Resident Evil, or its characters. I also do not own the lyrics to I Need You by Relient K.**

* * *

><p><strong>I've dug up miles and miles of sand<br>Searching for something I can't see  
>And I've just got bruised and battered hands<br>And a brand new void inside of me  
>Complete with walls I did create<br>From all the earth that I've displaced  
>A mess that I have made from what<br>I've just let pile and pile up  
>I have not been abandoned, no I have not been<br>Deserted and I have not been forgotten**

"Keep searching, you haven't looked hard enough." Chris's voice came out as nothing more than a growl as he supervised the BSAA agents in the ravine. The sun was beginning to set, and they climbed out of the search area.

"She's not there Redfield, I'm sorry." A fellow agent patted his shoulder in comfort. "Today was our last day to search. Our time here is up." His team gathered up their gear to leave, and Chris himself jumped down into the ravine. He fell to his knees, and began digging with his hands.

Skin began to pull away from his knuckles as his hands scraped against miscellaneous rocks. But he didn't care. He just had to find her. Without her, he was nothing. After all this time, and the fall he watched her take, he knew she couldn't possibly be alive. But his heart said she would be fine if only he could find her.

Rough sobs racked his body, ragged gasps leaving his lips. "Jill…you've got to help me. I've lost my way." He clenched at the dirt in his bleeding hands, "It should have been me. Always me. You had my ass in Raccoon City, it was my turn to repay the favor. Why didn't you let me?"

"Claire? I think you need to get down here. He's not okay." The BSAA agent closed his phone, looking down at his leader sadly. He knew the pair had been close, but he never thought he would see a founder of the BSAA reduced to this.

Soon after, Claire was sliding down into the ditch, grabbing her brother by the shoulders. "We need to go home Chris. You can't keep doing this to yourself. She's gone. You have to accept it." She grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at her. "Do you hear me?"

Chris nodded, rubbing the tears trailing down his stubbly cheeks. He looked rough, as though he hadn't slept in weeks. He let his younger sister pull him to his feet, and followed her as she led him to the car. She dropped him off at home, and tucked him into bed. "Call me if you need me. Anytime."

Claire smiled reassuringly, before leaving him be. **  
><strong>

**I need you  
>I need you here<br>I need you now  
>I need security somehow<br>I need you  
>Like you would not believe<br>You're the only thing I want  
>Cause you're everything I need<strong>

Days passed, Chris barely leaving his room. He spent his time laying in bed, staring at a photo tucked into his wallet. The edges were crinkled, and the coloring was slightly faded. It had been of a happier time, a time before all of this. Before Umbrella even. He looked down at Jill's smiling face, her beret being twisted in her hands. He remembered taking the picture of her, making her promise to let him for his birthday.

All those years ago when he was paired with the young Valentine, he knew they were a good fit. After all, a Breaking and Entering expert paired with a star Marksman seemed like the perfect team. But he never expected how close they would become. How he would fall so helplessly, and ridiculously in love with her. Or how he could never tell his partner.

Chris closed his eyes tight over the tears threatening to fall. It wasn't supposed to end this way. Jill was supposed to live forever. They all were after the horrors that they had survived at Umbrella's hands. They had worked together for so long, Chris just grew used to thinking that she was invincible. He was happy to be just friends with her, as long as they were together.

And then…she was just gone. Falling from the window, and then he never saw her again. Never got to say good bye, never got to tell her how he really felt. Chris regretted that now. He regretted never kissing her, rarely holding her, and never showing her how he felt. But most of all, he regretted letting her slip out of that window with Wesker.

She was always so brave, always saving his ass when he needed her the most. He could still remember hugging her tight when she released him from his cell in Raccoon City. He remembered never wanting to let her go, and finally realized something. She had been so strong for him, now it was his time to be strong for her.

Finally, after months of mourning, Chris was back on duty. He completed missions for the BSAA like they were nothing, completely immersing himself into his work. Three years had slowly passed before Chris received a call. It informed him of a mission in Africa, and that it may be a long one.

Chris packed his things and geared up, stopping at a store to buy a bouquet of flowers. Visiting her before leaving the country had become a habit of his. He kneeled before her grave, laying her flowers delicately across the stone. "Please come back to me. I can feel you here. You're not gone, despite what they say. I need you here partner."

**Explore the cave that is my chest**  
><strong>A torch reveals there's nothing left<strong>  
><strong>Your whispers echo off the walls<strong>  
><strong>And you can hear my distant calls<strong>  
><strong>The voice of who I used to be<strong>  
><strong>Screaming out "someone, someone please"<strong>  
><strong>Please shine a light into the black<strong>  
><strong>Wade through the depths and bring me back<strong>

She was clenching her fists, trying desperately to fight. She fell to the ground as she grabbed at her chest. Chris's voice yelling her name rang in her ears, the red device on her chest glowing slightly as more P-30 pumped into her system.

She cried out in pain as she lost control again, her mind fading into the depths as her body failed to listen. She was fighting Chris and his new partner, her combat skills heightened since they had last been together.

She hit the ground, Chris instantly straddling her waist as he ripped the device from her skin. She slowly came back into herself, as he lifted her into his arms. She gazed up into his strong face, weak from the battle and the constant injections. "Chris…I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." She had so many things to apologize for, even as her gaze turned to Sheva. "You're Sheva right? I couldn't control my actions, oh, but God I was still aware. Forgive me." She turned her blue eyes back to Chris. He lifted her to her feet with ease, her words ringing in his ears as she stood on her own.

He had just found her, and she was already sending him away, after Wesker. Now was the time she needed him to be at his strongest, even if he didn't want to leave. "Don't you trust your partner?"

Her words sealed the deal for him however, and he turned to the elevator. Jill watched the doors slide closed, knowing she had so many things to tell him. But most of all, she needed to finally admit her feelings to him. The feelings she had kept pent up inside after all they had survived. Now they just had to survive this.

**I have not been abandoned, no I have not been**  
><strong>Deserted and I have not been forgotten<strong>

Chris breathed a sigh of relief as he settled into the helicopter. It was over, finally over. Wesker was gone forever. Jill rested her head upon his shoulder, reminding him of their flight away from the Spencer Mansion. Chris thought silently to himself as he gazed down at Jill in her battlesuit. 'More and more I find myself wondering if it's all worth fighting for. For a future without fear…yeah it's worth it. For a future with her.' 

**I need you**  
><strong>I need you here<strong>  
><strong>I need you now<strong>  
><strong>I need security somehow<strong>  
><strong>I need you<strong>  
><strong>Like you would not believe<strong>  
><strong>You're the only thing I want<strong>  
><strong>Cause you're everything I need<strong>

They were back at home now. Recuperating from their time in Africa. Jill absentmindedly rubbed the scar on her chest, as she stood at the counter. She was staring blankly off into the distance as Chris descended the stairs. She snapped out of her reverie to look up at him. "It's good to be home."

Chris smiled brightly at her. "It's good to have you here." She wasn't back to normal, and he knew that she wouldn't be for quite a while. The horrors of everything that she had been forced to do haunted him, murmurs of apologies falling from her lips in her sleep. But he also knew that he could help her. He could help her take away the pain, just as she had brought the light back into his life.

"This is for you. I've been saving it for when I found you." He handed her an envelope, before taking his morning coffee out on the porch. She stared at the envelope for a few moments, before finally opening it.

**When my hopes seem to dangle**  
><strong>Somewhere just beyond my reach<strong>  
><strong>You say you've heard my prayers<strong>  
><strong>And read my words there on the beach<strong>

She tilted the envelope in her hand, catching a single slip of paper, and a small colored square. She stared at the old photo, smiling almost identical to the one she wore back then. Jill gently set down the photo that had lived in Chris's wallet for years, and directed her attention to the piece of paper.

_Until you were taken away from me, I never realized just how poor my choice in setting my feelings aside was. I didn't want to lose you as a partner, or as my best friend. So I never told you. I never told you just how much I love you. How much I love everything about you._

_I've carried that picture around every day since I took it. I loved that stupid beret you always wore. And just how happy it made you. You always used to call it your good luck charm. Then I started thinking of __**you**__ as my good luck charm. You were always there when I needed you, just as I hoped to be for you._

_When I lost you, it was like a void took your place in my heart. I didn't smile for the longest time, and I began to lose it all. Then I remembered how strong you were, and just how often you took care of me. It was then that I realized you would never leave me, never leave me to take care of myself. _

_I knew I just had to be strong, and you would find your way back to me. I love you Jill Valentine, I have since I was just a kid starting out in the S.T.A.R.S. Let me be strong for you._

_-Chris Redfield, Your Partner in Everything__**  
><strong>_

**I need you  
>I need you here<br>I need you now  
>I need security somehow<br>I need you  
>Like you would not believe<br>You're the only thing I want  
>Cause you're everything I need<strong>

Jill smiled slightly at the paper, before letting it drop onto the counter with her old photo. She stepped out to the porch, and hugged Chris from behind. She rested her head in his back, arms wrapped tight around his waist. "I really need to let you take a new picture. I'm definitely not that young anymore."

Chris set his coffee down, and turned to hug her back. "Still just as beautiful though."

She laughed quietly, looking up at him with sad eyes. "I love you Chris. Always have. But I'm so broken…are you sure you want this?"

He smoothed back her blonde hair, tilting her face up just a smidgen further. He brought his lips to hers, giving her the kiss he should have the day that he met her. "Positive. I've looked for you for far too long to give up now."

Jill kissed him passionately, before just falling against his chest, hugging him tightly.

Chris held her tightly. "You're the only thing I want, cause you're everything I need. I'm never letting you go again partner."


End file.
